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Post by thundertail on Dec 11, 2007 7:25:17 GMT -5
LOL! (Took me years to find myself! LOLx2!) Because it is so long, I will be making "Empire of the Carnivores, part 2", pretty soon, coming to this board soon! More of you will be there too... (Uh, did that sound right?)
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Buttercup
Junior Scholar
Ain't life grand?
Posts: 316
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Post by Buttercup on Dec 20, 2007 21:41:21 GMT -5
I started having a hard time staying focused on the computer screen to read the story so tomight I printed out the first 20 pages so that I don't get a headache. What kind of feedback are you looking for specifically? One thing I noticed is you might consider hitting the spellchecker after each entry...just a suggestion. I'll keep you posted as to my thoughts while i read.
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Post by thundertail on Dec 30, 2007 9:20:46 GMT -5
Hey all! I just finished making the first posts to part 2! (Starting at chapter 31...) I got about four chapters done, and should be posting in a little while (Writer's cramp!). Hope you have as much fun with part 2 as you are having with part 1!
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Post by silvaros on Feb 8, 2008 12:45:25 GMT -5
Hi. I very like your story, but the scene when Stinger sabotage the ships communication systems angered me... Its just silly and unreal like hell ... I mean, captain dont know him to good and he give him access to devices that are probably only chance to escape this island...He should guard it like hell, when they say him that this island is cut off the world... heh. If i was that captain with family in outside world and some day i get know that he cut off my way back to them, probably i joined to the pirates or worst ... probably worst... -I dont believe that allmost 1000 people dont have families, husbands, wife's, kids, frends etc in outside world. -I read in past some nice dinotopia stories where people back to outside world... -And that thing witch time travel, thats orginal? Or it is on some book(Dinotopia)? Dont be too mad, thats what i think about that one scene... Sorry for grammar . Im not from England... Silvaros
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Post by thundertail on Feb 8, 2008 17:42:35 GMT -5
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Post by silvaros on Feb 10, 2008 5:17:05 GMT -5
Wow... That's getting more interesting... ;D
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Post by silvaros on Mar 2, 2008 17:47:49 GMT -5
I am curious, if all passengers of M Queen will be delighted with decision of politics... If court is so bravery, now they should tell those people what they did for "their good" :/... Maybe i grumble, but i noticed that those people surrender to their fate to easily. I understand that one people will accept that someone directs with their fate and they dont have to much to say. They are people like this Waters, he dont have life to come back... But others have in outside world families and life. It interests me, if someone would have well paid work, house, car and more important, wife and children beyond island...I doubt if they want stay. Natives tell them suddenly to live as they, let them work near dinosaur manure and tell them: forget about your family, be pleased with life!When on island arrive one man, they will pull him on their side but when arrive 900... Other matter is human psyche... Be trapped on island with no escape... One accept it, other will never dont accept it... Heh... If it going to me i will never want stay on dinotopia(or any other island) all my life... I like travel...stay on island is like prison... PS. If they will really want to get out they will find the way... or i will find if i been on their place . By the way, in Real World if they know last localisation of the ship they will find it anyway or place where it sinked, and reef are no problem for armored ships... These are my considerations... Anyway i dont like mix modern technology witch magic...Why? Almost in any scenario Magic overcome Science... When i see "Dragon Wars" i get sick... One of most stupid movies... :/ I am curious what cargo MQ have on board... Sorry for grammar :/ Silvaros
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Post by thundertail on Mar 2, 2008 20:55:29 GMT -5
Great concerns, Silvaros! 1) I haven't really gone into the problems the 1500 people have adjusting to Dinotopia - yet! I only focused on the few who have, the ones that have a role in the immediate scenes I've written so far. There are MANY who can't accept being there. I just haven't posted it yet! 2) In the movie, the storm surrounding the island always intensifys when ships and planes get near. It wards off any attempt of contact. The Razor reef would then be too dangerous to cross. Only on certain conditions does a ship or plane get through. Those two forces of nature would no doubt keep the rescuers away - at least that's the way I see it! 3) You should know that Dinotopian technology isn't magic - it's only different than ours. True, Dinotopians think that thier own ancient technology as well as the technology from the outside world is magic; but in reality, they're not. I therefore think that it is possible to combine both technologies to make a hybrid of both. I'm not thinking on making another industrial revolution that brings forth this combined technology; but I think I can make something like a limited version become manifest. Only the creatures of the Rainy Basin seem to embrace it, and maybe a few of the newcomers too. But other than that, I'd think that Dinotopians would consider it a quaint novelty! 4) As for cargo aboard the Millennium Queen. Those of you that have been on a cruise ship knows it's almost like a hotel, and all the ammenities you can get there. There's all kinds of food available, all the supplies like towels, blankets and everything asociated with your stateroom - even the furniture in each room could be salvaged! There is gourmet food (Frozen or stored away ready for the cooking.), junk food (Present in those little convenience shops. They also sell all sorts of other things and trinkets too!), electronic gadgets (CD players, DVD's, cell phones, radios, and so on. The newcomers would probably know how to use those. Even Stinger and the Scott family since they got there in modern times, and would know how to use them.), and I'm going to put many other things aboard that may or may not be on a normal cruise liner. I'm going to have the ship stripped bare of everything that would be considered useful - even the machinery inside (Piping, wiring, fixtures, engine parts, pumps, ect.); and even steel plating in the superstructure and hull could be used! _ I still got a lot of work to do on it, and it isn't over by a long shot! Letting me know what you think of this story shows you guys like it, and the comments you post really help me out a lot (Sometimes I get stuck on which way the story should go! LOL!) ;D Modification to point #1: I am writing this like a first-person narrative. Stinger is describing his life on Dinotopia. There are going to be points where Stinger would not know of certain things, and knowing about the troubles most of the castaways are having are one of them. True, he gradually finds out; but at this point he doesn't know.
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Post by silvaros on Mar 3, 2008 18:33:38 GMT -5
1) He, he. I'm wondering how dinotopians react to those people, who's dont want accept their way of life... 2) Yes, you have right. But anyway i think there are some way to get out ... if you get in. Probably the sunstone towers cause storms. But ever that can be avoid. If you want get out of course. Read below (4). ;D 3) Uh, that's well... I started think that's on island will be magic... 4) If i may suggest what's cargo can be on ship... I have several ideas: - some cars - diesel off-road pickup's - those can be used by carnivores (humans ;D) for transport caravans and small technical support (beside strutters) . There can be plot where carnivores win them on auction from ship cargo. Cars can be converted by that crazy robot to operate on plant oil (that's is possible even in real world!). (my uncle have diesel van and it work on kitchen oil without problems ;D ;D ;D) - some usual cars - those can be converted to operate on sunstones or something like that(thats fantasty, but f..k it, all for fun ;D) ^^Always some novelty(and mixed technology not on industrial level ). - airplane - that's separate quest... Light aeroplane, it can belong to one character who will want to get out of the island and return to his family and old life. He dont have whife and kids, only parents. Dinotopians will try to stop him telling him that's he dont survive in storms, they can ever try sabotage his airplane(he will get know about it) but he will have way to get out (fly above clouds My way). On the end he will think about it and stay on island for some time, hiding his airplane. Some day he will return to his home, but not now... He stay with carnivores clan. This guy represents my opinions and what i think about stay on dinotopia . Of course those are only suggestions, if you dont want you no need to use it. Standard, sorry for grammar, i use translator Silvaros
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Post by thundertail on Mar 6, 2008 20:22:48 GMT -5
As you can see, Sil... I'm still working on that! It's tough to represent so many newcomers! (LOL!) How about this: What would they do when confronted with LaSage and her men?... Cars and vehicles like that may not work. The Millennium Queen isn't large enough to hold things that big! (You're thinking of the 'Titanic'! LOL!) There may be a few automotive parts there, but not a fully operational one. As you know, the Skybax Strutter they have runs on alchohol, and uses vegetable oils and such for lubrication. Maybe one could be invented with the parts aboard ship and use some of the technology on Dinotopia to make it run, using alchohol as fuel... I could use your idea about that guy and flying. How about he is an adventurer, and has a hang glider and a parachute aboard the ship? I could have him go to the top of the falls above waterfall City and fly over the city. The Skybax patrols there think he's a threat and knock him out of the sky; and he parachutes into some trees at the base of the city. he gets into wicked bad trouble, but Stinger can bail him out, saying he's a perfect candadate for a Skybax rider cadet... Those are MY ideas anyway... ;D
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Post by silvaros on Mar 12, 2008 15:34:54 GMT -5
- I thought that ship is bigger... - I dont dontknow. If you want, use that guy and his parachute. But it isynt what i thinked and wanted... Matter is that this adventurer should have way to leave, and they cant do to much about it. You know, when I read 20 stories thats all have smilar scenarios, i must search something new. Maybe in some day i write scenario and ask you for help with write fanfiction on it... You should give Lasage better weapons. They behave like scared chickens. What for they are there if nothing dont go on their side...? grammar, i know :/ Silvaros
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Post by thundertail on Mar 12, 2008 16:45:39 GMT -5
That ship is like the Disney cruise ships: 1/3 as big as Titanic. The guy (I'll call him Lanis Albian, Brazilian/American, in USA for 3 generations.) is getting bored stuck in Waterfall City, and begs excitement. He searches library for any way off island, or at least a place that's exciting, but finds nothing. Glad that his equipment comes, and no one guesses the purpose. He sneaks off and assembles the hang glider... LaSage has spears, swords, crossbows and the like, but her men are scared to death of Tyranosaurs and other carnivores - and hates any 'Scaly' with a vengence. They would have nothing to do with any dinosaur! They are the scum of Dinotopia, and would do anything ruthless... OK about grammar - no need to apologise!
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Post by thundertail on Mar 23, 2008 19:53:34 GMT -5
I hope nobody minds this, but I did a bad thing to Chandara! I know Chandara is a shining jewel in the treasure of Dinotopia back in the 1800's; but times change! This next chapter shows Chandara now under the influence of crime bosses. The good people that once was there had been driven out; and they now live in the outskirts of the kingdom, making a living by robbing travelers and keeping strangers out of the city. They do this as a seige tactic to drive the criminals running the city out. This doesn't work, and Stinger and his delegation become thier prisoners! The people in the outskirts see Stinger's trade proposal a great change, and make a valiant effort to storm Chandara to take it back from the crime lords - which becomes a rousing success! Stinger and company is freed, and these people accept his trade treaty. Stinger and company begin thier journey to Waterfall City from there, stopping for the night at the Blackfish Tavern, meeting another one of the castaways working there. (I know this goes over some of the same ground as the RP 'Backbone Shipping Company' [in reverse order! LOL!]; but at least the plot is different.
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Post by thundertail on Mar 29, 2008 18:27:52 GMT -5
Just another update... I think I see an end to this long, long fanfic! I just came up with the beginnings of the last chapter. Kind of like a requeim for Stinger and the beginnings for his successor... But don't worry!... ;DI still have to come to closure with the many things I got up in the air right now, so I don't plan to stop writing it until at least summertime! I also outlined a few other things - the details of how to write the conclusions to all those tiny details! Just thought you'd like to know!...
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Post by thundertail on Apr 9, 2008 18:29:05 GMT -5
After this next chapter, I think I'll take a few days off. I need to write more on my RP's. Publisher called, wanting permissions on more oprions; and needs me to hurry up with the next book (Already written, just needs proofread!) I'll continue this fanfic (After posting next chapter.) by late weekend or early next week. Cya Latah!
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