Post by Quickstride on Dec 1, 2006 19:35:42 GMT -5
Quicknotes: Sorry if making two posts seems like spamming, but I wanted to use the other thread as a place for feedback and background information while leaving the narrative uninterrupted here.
Anyway, here's what I have for Tales of Dinotopia so far. Consider this a very rough draft- it's the first time I've tried fiction in several years, and I currently don't have any beta-readers. If the dialog seems forced or awkward, it's because I'm currently imagining the scenes as if they actually were part of a video game, where characters generally have to explain for the audience what their world is like (this should improve anyway once the setting has been fully established.) I may go back later and refine it to flow better, once I myself have a firmer idea of where things are going. This first portion is more of an introduction of the two main characters than anything- stuff will start happening and things will get explained a bit more in the next installment.
As always, feedback is welcome!
Long ago, before even the first dinosaurs, a great star rock fell from the sky. It shattered upon impact, and its fragments were buried deep within the earth. As time went on, an island formed where it had fallen, and this island became a refuge for dinosaurs and other animals wishing to escape extinction over the millennia. They discovered the fragments of the star rock, and found that by using the sun’s light these rocks allowed them to control the earth’s very elements. They named them “sunstones.” As more time passed, the- Aidan? Aidan, are you listening? Aidan!
Aidan’s reverie was interrupted by a loud shouting in his ear. Turning his head, the image in his field of vision changed from the peaceful meadow outside the window to the toothy, scaly snout of a Deinonychus, the orange eyes staring at him curiously.
“Oh, sorry, Cae, I guess I was daydreaming again,” Aidan apologized.
Cae snorted. “Aidan Delfim, it’s no wonder Ms. Gilmer has assigned you extra study sessions with that attitude! Well, since I, Cae Swiftclaw, am your tutor, despite your best efforts you are going to get a proper Dinotopian education!” With that Cae stood almost erect upon his toes, his scales gleaming, the flame-colored crest of feathers upon his head raised proudly.
Aidan grinned shrewdly. “If you’re such a great tutor, then why were you assigned extra sessions, too?”
Cae seemed to deflate at that, his crest lowering and his striped hide dulling. Then he grinned. “Well, it is pretty boring. Still, we have to memorize this before next class, so we’d better get busy.”
“But it’s such a nice day,” Aidan protested, brushing some of his dirty blond hair out of his face, revealing deep green eyes. It was doing that more frequently; he’d been meaning to trim it. “It’s the first day in a week that it hasn’t rained. Let’s go outside and spar for a bit. After all, exercise is also part of a proper Dinotopian education, isn’t it?”
Cae considered this. “You make a compelling argument, human. Okay, you win. C’mon let’s go!” And with that the two took off for the training field.
“Ah, feel that sunshine!” Cae exclaimed, stretching as they walked through town. The warm light almost seemed to make his scales glow, giving the pale grey of his hide an almost bluish tint and changing his purple stripes to a brilliant hyacinth.
“Yeah,” said Aidan, “I’m glad that it finally stopped raining.” The seventeen year old’s voice had an unexpectedly sad hint to it.
“Is something wrong?” asked Cae, drawing up alongside him.
“No, it’s nothing, it’s just that- well, rain is reminds me of that night.”
“The night that you washed ashore here?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Cae never knew what to say when the subject of Aidan’s stranding on Dinotopia arose.
Aidan smiled at him reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it. I was five at the time. Rain is really the only thing I even remember- not even anything before it. Here, we’re at the training field.”
The “training field” was really just a meadow that the two had claimed as their own. It lay just on the outskirts of Coral Cove, a small settlement but one of only a few on the island. Cae stopped as they entered the clearing to prepare himself, while Aidan continued to the far side to do likewise. When he’d reached the other side, he turned to face Cae and withdrew the sword sheathed at his side.
Even in the early days of Dinotopia, it was rare for a citizen to have such a weapon, but Aidan’s was special. The sword was one of the few things to have washed ashore with him after the shipwreck, and even as a boy he had trained himself to be able to wield it. While he waited for Cae, he took some experimental swings at a fallen tree.
“Remember to put your padding on,” said Cae, moving to wear he had stowed his own. Even though they always sparred with the flat edge of their weapons, they always wore padded armor just in case. Rufus would have a fit if they didn’t.
“Oh, don’t worry about that for now,” said Aidan. “I want to try something. C’mon, let’s start.”
Cae studied his friend closely. As usual, he was wearing his favorite tunic- blue with gold trim and shoulder pads, secured around his waist with a black leather belt. Blue and gold were Aidan’s favorite colors- in fact, his boots and gloves matched the tunic. The only other articles of clothing he was wearing were black trousers and a white tunic- not a very good defense against Cae’s weapons of choice, his own toe claws.
“I don’t know about this…” he said uncertainly.
“C’mon, trust me,” urged Aidan. “Unless you don’t think that you can take me.”
Cae huffed. “Okay, fine, but you’re explaining this to Rufus if anything happens. Here I come!” With that Cae charged across the field.
“Demon Fang!” screamed Aidan, slashing his sword against the earth. A shockwave rippled across the field toward Cae, knocking the startled raptor off of his feet.
“What was that?!” he sputtered, as a laughing Aidan ran over to help him to his feet.
“Just something I picked up. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Yeah, sure,” grumbled the raptor. “Now, can we do this for real?”
Just then, the sound of a bell reverberated throughout the clearing.
“The town’s bell!” exclaimed Cae. “There must be trouble!”
“Let’s check it out!” yelled Aidan, as the two raced back toward Coral Cove.
The duo raced back to town to find it in a state of chaos. Humans and saurians were yelling and running about, panicked. It took only a moment to see why; two spinebacks, creatures roughly resembling stegosaurs who’d somehow been crossed with porcupines, lumbered into view from behind the schoolhouse. One of them lashed out savagely with its spikey tail and demolished the near wall of the building, bellowing as if in challenge.
“Monsters!” screamed Cae. “In the village?!”
“C’mon!” yelled Aidan. “We’ve got to do something!” And with that he charged the spinebacks, sword drawn. Cae was barely a step behind him. The monsters, spotting the movement, turned to meet them. One swung its tail at Aidan, but he parried the blow with his sword and struck back, piercing through the creature’s coat of spikes and driving his blade deep. Cae leapt high into the air, easily avoiding the other monster’s attack, then barraged its small head with a rain of fierce kicks before the lumbering creature could strike again. Soon, both spinebacks lay slain in the town center, a panting teen and raptor standing over them.
“Aidan, Cae, thank you!” a few townsfolk had begun to emerge from their hiding places. “We were in serious trouble there!”
“No problem. But, why would monsters attack the town?” Aidan surveyed the damage around him. The spiny monsters had damaged several other buildings besides the schoolhouse and even demolished a few completely in their rampage; one was on fire, probably lit by an overturned lantern.
“Monster sightings have become more frequent recently. Something’s mutating the local wildlife and turning them into monsters like those,” one of the townsmen explained.
Aidan frowned. Monsters were the horrible result of dinosaurs and other lifeforms mutating until they seemingly lost all ability to reason or feel anything except for blinding rage. They became unspeakably violent, attacking any creature unfortunate enough to encounter them and although barriers were placed around settlements to keep them out, there was little else to be done but slay them should any get through. Aidan and Cae tried to think of it as putting the creatures out of their misery.
“Aidan!” a female voice cried, racing through the growing crowd of townsfolk. It was Pell, Cae’s mother. “You have to come quick! It’s Rufus!”
“Rufus?” exclaimed Aidan, springing after the elder Deinonychus. “What’s happened?” He followed her behind some of the more heavily damaged buildings, to the part of town that had apparently borne the brunt of the monster’s aggression.
Rufus, whose once firey mane of hair had long since started to grey, sat amid the wreckage, clutching his right arm. The ragged bandage of cloth that had been tied to it was already becoming soaked through with blood.
“Rufus, what happened? Are you all right?” Aidan was instantly at his side. Rufus was not his father- so far as Aidan recalled, he’d never known his real father- but the man had raised him as a son, and he was the only family the lad had. Aidan could face a spineback unblinkingly, but the sight of the older man on the ground and bleeding filled him with terror.
“Do I look all right!?” Rufus bellowed, wincing and clutching his arm tighter. This outburst actually relieved Aidan somewhat; if he was strong enough to be angry, things couldn’t be as dire as he had feared.
“The spinebacks just charged in- took us all by surprise. I tried to fight them off, but…” Rufus trailed off, breathing heavily.
“Don’t talk.” Aidan reached out his hand, but Rufus only turned away.
“Rufus isn’t the only one’s who’s been hurt,” said Pell. “There were quite a few casualties, so furious was the attack. Unfortunately, the closest healer is Dr. Brody, in Hadria.”
“Hadria? That’s not too far,” said Cae, who had joined them.
“Perhaps not, but the roads aren’t safe, between the monsters and the bandits,” cautioned Pell.
“That doesn’t matter to me!” said Aidan. “I’m not afraid of any of those things. After all, I’ve got my sword. I’ll go and fetch the doctor.”
“I’ll go with you,” said Cae. “I’m the best martial artist in all of Dinotopia!” Aidan gave his friend a funny look but said nothing.
“Absurd,” muttered Rufus. “I won’t allow you to-“
“Very well.” Pell cut him off. “Nobody else in town can do it, and we need a doctor here. Here, take these,” and she handed Cae some gel medicines. “Now hurry.”
“Leave it to us!” Aidan yelled, as he and Cae rushed off.
“You shouldn’t have let them go. They’re too young and inexperienced,” Rufus muttered to Pell.
“Have faith in the boys. They’re stronger than you think,” was all the Deinonychus said.
Anyway, here's what I have for Tales of Dinotopia so far. Consider this a very rough draft- it's the first time I've tried fiction in several years, and I currently don't have any beta-readers. If the dialog seems forced or awkward, it's because I'm currently imagining the scenes as if they actually were part of a video game, where characters generally have to explain for the audience what their world is like (this should improve anyway once the setting has been fully established.) I may go back later and refine it to flow better, once I myself have a firmer idea of where things are going. This first portion is more of an introduction of the two main characters than anything- stuff will start happening and things will get explained a bit more in the next installment.
As always, feedback is welcome!
Long ago, before even the first dinosaurs, a great star rock fell from the sky. It shattered upon impact, and its fragments were buried deep within the earth. As time went on, an island formed where it had fallen, and this island became a refuge for dinosaurs and other animals wishing to escape extinction over the millennia. They discovered the fragments of the star rock, and found that by using the sun’s light these rocks allowed them to control the earth’s very elements. They named them “sunstones.” As more time passed, the- Aidan? Aidan, are you listening? Aidan!
Aidan’s reverie was interrupted by a loud shouting in his ear. Turning his head, the image in his field of vision changed from the peaceful meadow outside the window to the toothy, scaly snout of a Deinonychus, the orange eyes staring at him curiously.
“Oh, sorry, Cae, I guess I was daydreaming again,” Aidan apologized.
Cae snorted. “Aidan Delfim, it’s no wonder Ms. Gilmer has assigned you extra study sessions with that attitude! Well, since I, Cae Swiftclaw, am your tutor, despite your best efforts you are going to get a proper Dinotopian education!” With that Cae stood almost erect upon his toes, his scales gleaming, the flame-colored crest of feathers upon his head raised proudly.
Aidan grinned shrewdly. “If you’re such a great tutor, then why were you assigned extra sessions, too?”
Cae seemed to deflate at that, his crest lowering and his striped hide dulling. Then he grinned. “Well, it is pretty boring. Still, we have to memorize this before next class, so we’d better get busy.”
“But it’s such a nice day,” Aidan protested, brushing some of his dirty blond hair out of his face, revealing deep green eyes. It was doing that more frequently; he’d been meaning to trim it. “It’s the first day in a week that it hasn’t rained. Let’s go outside and spar for a bit. After all, exercise is also part of a proper Dinotopian education, isn’t it?”
Cae considered this. “You make a compelling argument, human. Okay, you win. C’mon let’s go!” And with that the two took off for the training field.
“Ah, feel that sunshine!” Cae exclaimed, stretching as they walked through town. The warm light almost seemed to make his scales glow, giving the pale grey of his hide an almost bluish tint and changing his purple stripes to a brilliant hyacinth.
“Yeah,” said Aidan, “I’m glad that it finally stopped raining.” The seventeen year old’s voice had an unexpectedly sad hint to it.
“Is something wrong?” asked Cae, drawing up alongside him.
“No, it’s nothing, it’s just that- well, rain is reminds me of that night.”
“The night that you washed ashore here?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Cae never knew what to say when the subject of Aidan’s stranding on Dinotopia arose.
Aidan smiled at him reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it. I was five at the time. Rain is really the only thing I even remember- not even anything before it. Here, we’re at the training field.”
The “training field” was really just a meadow that the two had claimed as their own. It lay just on the outskirts of Coral Cove, a small settlement but one of only a few on the island. Cae stopped as they entered the clearing to prepare himself, while Aidan continued to the far side to do likewise. When he’d reached the other side, he turned to face Cae and withdrew the sword sheathed at his side.
Even in the early days of Dinotopia, it was rare for a citizen to have such a weapon, but Aidan’s was special. The sword was one of the few things to have washed ashore with him after the shipwreck, and even as a boy he had trained himself to be able to wield it. While he waited for Cae, he took some experimental swings at a fallen tree.
“Remember to put your padding on,” said Cae, moving to wear he had stowed his own. Even though they always sparred with the flat edge of their weapons, they always wore padded armor just in case. Rufus would have a fit if they didn’t.
“Oh, don’t worry about that for now,” said Aidan. “I want to try something. C’mon, let’s start.”
Cae studied his friend closely. As usual, he was wearing his favorite tunic- blue with gold trim and shoulder pads, secured around his waist with a black leather belt. Blue and gold were Aidan’s favorite colors- in fact, his boots and gloves matched the tunic. The only other articles of clothing he was wearing were black trousers and a white tunic- not a very good defense against Cae’s weapons of choice, his own toe claws.
“I don’t know about this…” he said uncertainly.
“C’mon, trust me,” urged Aidan. “Unless you don’t think that you can take me.”
Cae huffed. “Okay, fine, but you’re explaining this to Rufus if anything happens. Here I come!” With that Cae charged across the field.
“Demon Fang!” screamed Aidan, slashing his sword against the earth. A shockwave rippled across the field toward Cae, knocking the startled raptor off of his feet.
“What was that?!” he sputtered, as a laughing Aidan ran over to help him to his feet.
“Just something I picked up. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Yeah, sure,” grumbled the raptor. “Now, can we do this for real?”
Just then, the sound of a bell reverberated throughout the clearing.
“The town’s bell!” exclaimed Cae. “There must be trouble!”
“Let’s check it out!” yelled Aidan, as the two raced back toward Coral Cove.
The duo raced back to town to find it in a state of chaos. Humans and saurians were yelling and running about, panicked. It took only a moment to see why; two spinebacks, creatures roughly resembling stegosaurs who’d somehow been crossed with porcupines, lumbered into view from behind the schoolhouse. One of them lashed out savagely with its spikey tail and demolished the near wall of the building, bellowing as if in challenge.
“Monsters!” screamed Cae. “In the village?!”
“C’mon!” yelled Aidan. “We’ve got to do something!” And with that he charged the spinebacks, sword drawn. Cae was barely a step behind him. The monsters, spotting the movement, turned to meet them. One swung its tail at Aidan, but he parried the blow with his sword and struck back, piercing through the creature’s coat of spikes and driving his blade deep. Cae leapt high into the air, easily avoiding the other monster’s attack, then barraged its small head with a rain of fierce kicks before the lumbering creature could strike again. Soon, both spinebacks lay slain in the town center, a panting teen and raptor standing over them.
“Aidan, Cae, thank you!” a few townsfolk had begun to emerge from their hiding places. “We were in serious trouble there!”
“No problem. But, why would monsters attack the town?” Aidan surveyed the damage around him. The spiny monsters had damaged several other buildings besides the schoolhouse and even demolished a few completely in their rampage; one was on fire, probably lit by an overturned lantern.
“Monster sightings have become more frequent recently. Something’s mutating the local wildlife and turning them into monsters like those,” one of the townsmen explained.
Aidan frowned. Monsters were the horrible result of dinosaurs and other lifeforms mutating until they seemingly lost all ability to reason or feel anything except for blinding rage. They became unspeakably violent, attacking any creature unfortunate enough to encounter them and although barriers were placed around settlements to keep them out, there was little else to be done but slay them should any get through. Aidan and Cae tried to think of it as putting the creatures out of their misery.
“Aidan!” a female voice cried, racing through the growing crowd of townsfolk. It was Pell, Cae’s mother. “You have to come quick! It’s Rufus!”
“Rufus?” exclaimed Aidan, springing after the elder Deinonychus. “What’s happened?” He followed her behind some of the more heavily damaged buildings, to the part of town that had apparently borne the brunt of the monster’s aggression.
Rufus, whose once firey mane of hair had long since started to grey, sat amid the wreckage, clutching his right arm. The ragged bandage of cloth that had been tied to it was already becoming soaked through with blood.
“Rufus, what happened? Are you all right?” Aidan was instantly at his side. Rufus was not his father- so far as Aidan recalled, he’d never known his real father- but the man had raised him as a son, and he was the only family the lad had. Aidan could face a spineback unblinkingly, but the sight of the older man on the ground and bleeding filled him with terror.
“Do I look all right!?” Rufus bellowed, wincing and clutching his arm tighter. This outburst actually relieved Aidan somewhat; if he was strong enough to be angry, things couldn’t be as dire as he had feared.
“The spinebacks just charged in- took us all by surprise. I tried to fight them off, but…” Rufus trailed off, breathing heavily.
“Don’t talk.” Aidan reached out his hand, but Rufus only turned away.
“Rufus isn’t the only one’s who’s been hurt,” said Pell. “There were quite a few casualties, so furious was the attack. Unfortunately, the closest healer is Dr. Brody, in Hadria.”
“Hadria? That’s not too far,” said Cae, who had joined them.
“Perhaps not, but the roads aren’t safe, between the monsters and the bandits,” cautioned Pell.
“That doesn’t matter to me!” said Aidan. “I’m not afraid of any of those things. After all, I’ve got my sword. I’ll go and fetch the doctor.”
“I’ll go with you,” said Cae. “I’m the best martial artist in all of Dinotopia!” Aidan gave his friend a funny look but said nothing.
“Absurd,” muttered Rufus. “I won’t allow you to-“
“Very well.” Pell cut him off. “Nobody else in town can do it, and we need a doctor here. Here, take these,” and she handed Cae some gel medicines. “Now hurry.”
“Leave it to us!” Aidan yelled, as he and Cae rushed off.
“You shouldn’t have let them go. They’re too young and inexperienced,” Rufus muttered to Pell.
“Have faith in the boys. They’re stronger than you think,” was all the Deinonychus said.
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