A long rant, long in coming, and much needed.

[Anemone]

Before I begin, I would like to say that if you are adamantly Christian in your beliefs, please don't take offense at this, try to convert me, or anything similar. It will not help. I accept and acknowledge your beliefs without believing in them myself.

I would also like to say that maybe I shouldn't even be posting this, but it's very important to me, and I am in dire need of support and understanding.

I'm not going to be around nearly as often as I usually am, for one very important reason: I am devoting the next few months to "coming out of the broom closet". In other words, I am forming a plan of action to tell my Christian family that I am Wiccan, and have believed in my faith for over a year in secret, even if I have been unable to practice. Hiding that secret has led me, now, almost to the point of rock bottom depression.

I'm fully aware that none of you have been aware of this inner struggle, but I have kept my troubles inside for so long that they've all suddenly erupted into a horrible mess of tears and imagined terror. I love my family, but I can't live with the idea that they might not accept me for who I am and what I believe. They think that I'm a faithful Christian, and my church is such a wonderful and loving community that it breaks my heart to reveal the truth.

But if there's anything worse than not sharing your family's beliefs, it's having to teach them to others. I'm a Sunday School teacher! Can you imagine how my beloved church will react when they find out that one of their most active and beloved members is, in fact, pagan? It is one of the many reasons that I have not told anyone, and it is also one of the reasons I have to do this.

I hate lying.

I especially hate lying to my parents, who I love so much. Being under 18, however, I have no legal right to practice my own religion without their permission and consent, so it is even harder to tell them the truth with the threat of being forbidden to practice my faith hanging over my head.

I know that there are members of this forum from all ends of the spectrum--from fellow Wiccans to devout Christians. I have also found that the members of this community can be very supportive, and that they support their fellows when they need it most.

I need some support now. That's all I ask. And thank you for reading. I appreciate everything, even if I'm not important or established enough here to ask for it or post such a serious matter. This is very important to me, and I need to put an end to this whole mess.

This is probably in the wrong forum, too. I wasn't sure where to put it.

Silly me, I'm so afraid of censorship... And I'm sorry for the long rant that I doubt anyone really wants to hear. I've gotten to the point were I just need to shout out my trouble to the world, after hiding it for so very long.

[Wolf]

*hugs*

I know how you feel, hun, and hope everything goes well. I will say that you are braver than i. I am still in the closet when it comes to my pagan path. Friends know and everything but my parents are in the dark.

I will also say that, no matter what, a person may be able to forbid you from practicing but there is no way for them to forbid you from believing as you believe. Every person's inner beliefs are their own and no one has the right to try to stop a person or attempt to convert someone from their chosen path.

If you need to or just wanna talk via IM sometime, PM me. I have just about every major IM server.

Wolf

[Aven Bluewing]

You are important enough to ask anything here, Anemone, we're here for you. Everyone needs to rant every now and then, so, don't appologize. *hugs*
Do what you think is right, Anemone. I pray that all goes well.
What is a Wiccan? I've never heard of them.

[Kor]

I hope things go well for you. It takes a lot of bravery to do something you are about to do. Good luck to you.

[thundertail]

It's ok to do or believe anything you want.
Especially here. Dinotopia welcomes all people!
(I don't pretend to know about being Wicca, except what i saw on documentaries featuring Stonehenge; but if it's what you believe, go for it!)
Hope things work out!

[Kor]

A Wiccan can explain better then me. But I've read enough to try an explanation I think.

It is a nature based religion. Some worship a god and a goddess, some sects only the goddess. I forgot exactly what the god and goddess are. The god may be the more animal sorts of nature with the goddess motherhood, ect maybe. This part I"m very hazy on.

It is an old religion, likely as old or so as shamanism. They believe that reality can be altered with what some others call magick. Most new age sorts, and wicccans put in the "k" at the and to differentiate it from the "magic" that illusionists like Dug Henning, and other famous stage illusionists (magicians) do.

My understanding is that they believe you get back in 3 (or 7 forgot which) what you put out. So if you curse someone you would get the same multiplied back. For example if you wanted a co-worker or neighbor who you don't like to move, you would not curse them, but try to do a spell where they wanted to move, or got a great job opportunity elsewhere so they then move. Thus you do not get a curse back.


A lot of the current interest comes from a certain book from a guy, I think his last name is Gardner. I've read some debate that most modern sects of Wiccan come from his book even if the person is unaware of it. I do not know myself either way. Also unlike many modern folks believe, they have no Satan in their belief system.

Hope I didn't get anything to wrong. I'm a mystic myself, not following any world religion. So no worry I'll try to convert you. Part of my belief system is you believe what you want and I"ll believe mine.

[Azonthus]

You have no idea how hard it is for me to NOT try to convince you you're wrong and go into a lengthy explanation about wicca vs Christ. But, I know you already know both sides and have chosen wicca.

Venting and such is very necessary at times, especially when there is such a huge conflict going on inside. Advice and support from friends who are outside the situation can be very helpful. No, I'm not going to stop being your friend because you are a wiccan. I have many friends whose beliefs are vastly different from mine.

I know it must be extremely difficult for you to tell your parents and church what you really believe. You need to stop being a Sunday School teacher right away, even if you don't tell people at church the reason. The hypocrisy of teaching something you don't believe will only continue to tear you up inside and drive you deeper into depression.

Three years is a long time to remain in hiding. Yes, your parents probably will force you to continue going to church and may even prevent you from practicing what you believe. But, is the constant lieing, hiding, and fear of being caught worth it? If you tell them the truth, you at least will have the knowledge that you had the self confidence to stand up for what you believe.

What is any belief worth if you don't act on it?

[Wolf]

Wicca is a branch of Paganism created by a man named Gerald Gardner in (if i am not mistaken) the 1950's. It is indeed nature-based and it is the Threefold Law that was mentioned above where everything you put out is visited upon you threefold or three times. Since its popularization by Gardner, many Wiccan "Traditions" have evolved with each their own set of beliefs, rites, rituals, and practices.

Most Wiccan traditions are Duotheistic. They worship a god and a goddess but i do know that they are not necessarily gods that are only a part of Wicca. A friend of mine, who has been Wiccan for years (and from whom i learned all of this about Wicca) worships Hermes and Athena for what reasons i do not know. I am sure though that there is a perfect reason for it in her mind. Though according to Gardnerian Wicca, the gods of Wicca are ancient gods of the British Isles: a Stag Horned God and a Great Mother goddess.

Wiccans also follow the Wiccan Rede: An it harm none, do what ye will.

For more information than i am really able to give check out Wiki : en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicca

Wolf

[Kor]

Thanks Wolf for the information. I had forgotten some details and got hazy on others. I still hope things go well. It can be hard to do what you are about to do.

[Barry]

I believe the same thing as Azonthus as well.
I myself find it hard to try to restrain myself from not trying to convince your wrong in your ways. I have friends whose beliefs are differ from mine as well. To avoid problems and hurting them, I just keep to myself what I think and just pray for them. That's all I can do without getting in to a big religious debate over it. If it makes you feel any better, I tried to hide and lie about certain things to my parents and it took me a long time to get the courage to tell them the truth. Scary yes, I know. But I got through it. So go ahead and believe how you were brought up. Like you said, "I accept and acknowledge your beliefs without believing in them myself." I will still consider you as a friend no matter what your beliefs are. I too never heard of Wiccan before either.

▬ Dwaggie

[Anemone]

Thank you everyone for your support.

I don't know now if it was even worth it. After a mental breakdown, I decided to tell them everything. The initial reaction: "We're your family and love you no matter what." Then when I got home today...

I was handed an article written by a former Wiccan on how she "refound God". Initially I rejected, then read it. I think it achieved the opposite of it's intended effect. I now doubt everything, both my newfound "religion" and the "religion" I was raised in. I even doubt religion itself. Yet I know that there is something there... But can anyone claim to be right?

So thank you so much for your support, but I don't know if all the horror and fear I endured to go through with this was even worth anything. That would mean that I suffered for nothing but a sense of abandonment and loneliness. And please don't try to volley for your respective religion. In the mind set I'm in right now, it will only serve to make me question it.

[Kor]

What one believes in is very important and often goes to the core of someone. So do not feel bad if you feel unsure. It may take you a while to find, within yourself, what your belief system may be. Hard to do perhaps, but try to relax and give it time. Though this will be harder for some in your situation then others.

[takumsaw]

Well said, Kor!
Anemone, just take some time to think and sort this out. I think you should tell your family about how you're feeling now, I'm sure they can help too. We're all behind you in this, (the thread speaks for itself!). I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers ;D

[aric]

vagwen said:

I'm not going to be around nearly as often as I usually am, for one very important reason: I am devoting the next few months to "coming out of the broom closet". In other words, I am forming a plan of action to tell my Christian family that I am Wiccan, and have believed in my faith for over a year in secret, even if I have been unable to practice. Hiding that secret has led me, now, almost to the point of rock bottom depression.

You should definitely be talking to RedFeather (Minstelae) about this. She’s Wiccan too.

vagwen said:

I especially hate lying to my parents, who I love so much. Being under 18, however, I have no legal right to practice my own religion without their permission and consent, so it is even harder to tell them the truth with the threat of being forbidden to practice my faith hanging over my head.

Out of curiosity, which state or country do you live in and precisely what laws are these that forbid you from practicing a religion different from that of your parents?

vagwen said:

I was handed an article written by a former Wiccan on how she "refound God".

Out of curiosity (again) what exactly about the article led you to your current thoughts? Yes, I know that an example of a former Wiccan going back to the Christianity was probably intended as a not-so-subtle hint from your family as to where they think you should be going with regards to your spiritual life. But specifically, I’d like to know the thought process of the former Wiccan in that article that put doubt into your heart. Was the person in the article just a waffling spirit, like a reed in the wind? I sort of think this was the case if you now begin to doubt both Wicca and Christianity. But to be sure, what were the arguments presented in the article that affected you in any which way?

It would be great if there was an online version of the article I could look over. Or at least something close to it.

At this point, I’d just tell you to go with whatever fulfils your spiritual needs. It really doesn’t matter which one is “right”. That presumes some sort of correspondence with reality that I don’t think any human belief system completely achieves. What matters at this point is what any particular religion does for you. Does it make you happy? Does it give your life meaning and structure? Why even bother aligning yourself with any particular religion? Why not pick and choose the parts that seem true to you and form your own belief system? Why let others decide for you the overall structure of your personal beliefs? You can ask others of their opinions, like you’re doing now, but ultimately you’re the one who has to decide what matters to you and what gives you meaning and purpose.

Hope this helped.

- Aric

[Vorchia]

Well it looks like everything that should be said has already been covered quite nicely... You can always rant at the T of P. People DO tend to like to help each other and listen to rants. Ranting is good, it helps put things in perspectibe in your head, then its easier to make sense of it all. I´ve posted enough rants about RL-stuff myself and I assure you they were a LOT longer than yours.

Your doubts in your faith(s) maye have a lot to do with just being a teenager, which seems to come with a lot of wondering, questioning, doubting and worrying. Keep researching and try to figure out whats right for you I guess, but try not to confuse yourself too much! Also, find something fun to do, give yourself a break, even if its only a giant bar of chocolate and a reread of a good book (Say JTC). You may be 'staring yourself blind' on the problem, (forgive me the literary translation of a Dutch saying there). You 'sound' rather spent... Getting some mental rest won't fix the problem but it'll make you feel a bit stronger I think and help focus your thoughts. It does that for me when I've been thinking too much about stuff. I flee into my books a lot.

Good luck with everything and breathe deep seek peace,

Vorchia