Grizelda

[Anemone]

(This is something I did for a story I'm working on concerning a Tyrannosaurus Rex named Grizelda. Tell me what you like and don't like, as it's still a draft.)

Pounding footfalls,
Heartbeat throbbing,
Thunder rolling,
Rainfall sounding,

Past the temples,
Past the jungles,
Past the stones and
Past the cities,

Rolling…

Running…

Resounding…

A dreadful roaring,
From the throat of she
Who knows the man.

Tall, majestic,
Redbacked, long tailed,
With ebony fanged maw,
She howls to the sky.

But he is gone,
And still she remains.

[Azonthus]

I like the theme behind this, but you change the format of the poem too often for it to flow. It's far too short and choppy for you to get the message across that needs to be conveyed. I would make this at least three times as long and add in far more visual imagry. For inspiration, and an example of what I'm talking about, try reading some of Snipe's poetry, located here in the Registry. In particulary, I would read Honoring the Muse. That one has awesome imagry and really brings forth the feelings he wants.