Pet Rules

[Vorchia]

Here's something very funny Rusty forwarded to me:

PET RULES

(To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.)

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the otherend to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!

[Azonthus]

Oh man.. That's terrible! Selling children... *grins* Eh, what am I saying? I sell abandoned kids at flea markets!

Thanks for the smile; I needed it=) Now to go try to stay awake in church...

[Barry]

admin said:

Oh man.. That's terrible! Selling children... *grins* Eh, what am I saying? I sell abandoned kids at flea markets!

LOL! That's funny.

I wish I could find a real church to go to. All the ones around here are
so caught up in their traditions and fancy dress codes it isn't funny.
I don't call that a church. And I hate denominations too.
I keep asking GOD where to go, but he hasen't opened up that door yet. Thank GOD for TBN TV, and the Our Daily Bread Devotionals.

[Vorchia]

What kind of fancy dress codes would that be? I never really heard of church dress codes still existing in modern times, not counting the Amish and their likes. I think things like 'Is that a skirt or just a big belt?' might not be appreciated but for the rest??

[Rosa]

Thanks for sharing the letter to Pets!

Fancy dress codes? Like Vorchia, I thought that most churches now a days arent' really strict about that. Of course, it's a different story with the Amish, Mennonites, and their likes. I actually attended a Mennonite church for nine years! Can you belive that? My parents started attending when I was about eight yrs old, but when I got older I left the church for a long list of reasons. Don't get me wrong though, I am a Christan, it's just that the Mennonite beliefs and traditions were too much for me and some of it I couldn't go along with. There were so many rules and dress codes that it made me dizzy and depressed.

[Azonthus]

When I lived in Colorado, there was a comic called Fred the Basset in the papers. Since the main character was a dog, many of the comics were very much like Penny. We would cut out ones that struck us as particularly funny and tape them to the wall above Penny's food bowl. She used to sit there and stare at her empty bowl to make us feel sorry for her so we'd give her more food; but, we usually ended up laughing because it looked like she was reading her comics! If she was still alive, I'd add these pet rules to her wall;)

[RedFeather]

PETS' RESPONSES TO LETTER:

PET RULES

(To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.)

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

Dog: But you won't let me poop near my doggie stuffs, either. That is how we mark something as ours - would you rather me do that?

Cat: Uh. Let me get something straight. This is my territory, and everything here is mine. The dog and human are my pets. Therefore, I don't particularly see your right to complain.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Dog: It isn't? But Mommy, I love NASCAR!!! I'm in NASCAR as a Professional Automobile Chaser, you didn't know that?

Cat: Sometimes I need to show my pets who's boss. Sorry if it hurts you, but if you're not behaving, I will punish. Plain and simple.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the otherend to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

Dog: Awww, but Mommy... *whimper, tail wag*

Cat: Then why don't you go outside and sleep in the doghouse with the dog? I'll take the bed.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

Dog: Then how come everytime one of those mystery shows is on, people are trying to escape when locked in the bathroom? I watch enough of those to know. You always leave the TV on. *growls* I must rescue you.

Cat: Proper feline attendance is always required. You need someone to come in and make sure the toilet flushes right, the faucets work, and to make sure you groom yourself properly. I will not have a scruffy-looking pet.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

Dog: But Mommy, it's socializing!

Cat: I will do things as I so choose, for I am Queen.

I cannot stress this enough!

Dog: WOOF!!! *with tongue hanging out*

Cat: *paw in face* What-ever!

[Dakota]

rotflol

[RedFeather]

*giggles* Thanks!

[Aven Bluewing]

ROTFLOL !!!! Ha ha ha!! ;D That is so neat!!

For the dress code thing, my church isn't too strict. For the guys: dress pants, nice shoes, button-up shirt, and a tie. For the girls: A dress/shirt and skirt (below the knees) and nice shoes.

I've never heard of Mennonites before.

aaaaanywho, Later

Aven

[RedFeather]

Mennonites... they're kind of like the Amish, although I'm not sure how they are differentiated from one another. I think one is stricter than the other, but I'm not sure.

[Azonthus]

Mennonites are different from the Amish in that they don't shun all modern technology. I've seen mennonites a lot at the thrift shop and almost all of them wear sneakers and quite a few use cell phones. I'm never really sure what they're buying at the thrift shop as a plain black or blue dress seems to be the major dress code and all of the dresses I've seen appear to be made from the same pattern. They also always wear a little round lacy thing that greatly resembles a doily on their heads. Now, this is only the women. Either the men dress just like everyone else, or the women are dropped off at the thrift shops while the men go elsewhere, because I've never seen one of the men dressed in a similar style. I'm sure you could look up more information on them online if you so desire

As for my church- the basic dress code is to look nice. Women typically wear dresses or skirts and men wear suits and ties. We dress our best to go to church and worship Jesus because God gave His best for us. It's more a thing about honoring our Saviour than trying to look better than the next person.