Post by Azonthus on Mar 10, 2005 14:14:53 GMT -5
Eskara1862
doyenne
Posts: 992
(7/15/04 8:35 am)
They Dance on the Wind- by Arri
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They Dance on the Wind
They dance on the wind high in the sky,
Diving, turning, and looping on high.
They spread their wings wide to catch the breeze,
And then they sail, sail into the vermillion sky.
They do not worry about the ground below,
For what is under them they do not care or know.
So high in the sky, a dark spec on the blue above,
If I were up there I would not dare look below.
Beautiful reptiles that dance on the wind,
Their swirling, diving, and spinning, does not end.
They soar with grace and splendor on this zephyr,
Yes, these creatures do dance upon the wind!
Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Arri
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Hawkeye's Hallucinations
The City of Mists The Waterfall City Registry The Realm of Role Play Journey to Dinotopia Art by Azonthus Hawkeye's Hallucination
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Misty Mountain Nursery
stefan de velociraptor
self-proclaimed
know-it-all
Posts: 54
(12/6/04 11:08 pm)
Re: They Dance on the Wind- by Arri
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very cool! this one is excellent Arri, almost proffesional, I can hear it being read aloud in my head and it definitely has the poetic qualities.
the only thing I can find 'wrong' with it is the final stanza. You have a 'abaa' format on your first two stanzas, so you should carry this over to the last one. you have abca at the moment, so maybe try changing 'end' to something that rhymes with 'wind'
now for a piece of advice: read the poem to yourself and try and change words so they roll off your tounge. you shouldn't have to conciously shape the words, it should simply fall out of your head
like so
'They do not worry about the ground below,
For what is under them they do not care or know.
So high in the sky, a dark spec on the blue above,
If I were up there I would not dare look below.'
'They do not worry about the ground below,
For what is beneath them they neither care nor know.
So high in the sky, a dark speck in the blue,
If I were so high I wouldn't dare look below.'
'never underestimate the power of one'
know thineself, breathe deep, seek peace
thereisnosaurus, storyboard scrollkeeper
'outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, its too dark to read'
groucho marx
no mountain shall be too high, no valley too deep, no sight too dreadfull, no slope too steep. no light shall blind me, no darkness shall shroud me, no truth shall elude me, no lie shall decive me, no hate shall destroy me
I will be light
I will be darkness
I will be truth
I will be lies
but I will not hate. Love shall be my sword, honour my shield and the knowledge of my duty as strong as any armour'
the oath of the warrior
doyenne
Posts: 992
(7/15/04 8:35 am)
They Dance on the Wind- by Arri
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They Dance on the Wind
They dance on the wind high in the sky,
Diving, turning, and looping on high.
They spread their wings wide to catch the breeze,
And then they sail, sail into the vermillion sky.
They do not worry about the ground below,
For what is under them they do not care or know.
So high in the sky, a dark spec on the blue above,
If I were up there I would not dare look below.
Beautiful reptiles that dance on the wind,
Their swirling, diving, and spinning, does not end.
They soar with grace and splendor on this zephyr,
Yes, these creatures do dance upon the wind!
Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Arri
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hawkeye's Hallucinations
The City of Mists The Waterfall City Registry The Realm of Role Play Journey to Dinotopia Art by Azonthus Hawkeye's Hallucination
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Misty Mountain Nursery
stefan de velociraptor
self-proclaimed
know-it-all
Posts: 54
(12/6/04 11:08 pm)
Re: They Dance on the Wind- by Arri
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
very cool! this one is excellent Arri, almost proffesional, I can hear it being read aloud in my head and it definitely has the poetic qualities.
the only thing I can find 'wrong' with it is the final stanza. You have a 'abaa' format on your first two stanzas, so you should carry this over to the last one. you have abca at the moment, so maybe try changing 'end' to something that rhymes with 'wind'
now for a piece of advice: read the poem to yourself and try and change words so they roll off your tounge. you shouldn't have to conciously shape the words, it should simply fall out of your head
like so
'They do not worry about the ground below,
For what is under them they do not care or know.
So high in the sky, a dark spec on the blue above,
If I were up there I would not dare look below.'
'They do not worry about the ground below,
For what is beneath them they neither care nor know.
So high in the sky, a dark speck in the blue,
If I were so high I wouldn't dare look below.'
'never underestimate the power of one'
know thineself, breathe deep, seek peace
thereisnosaurus, storyboard scrollkeeper
'outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, its too dark to read'
groucho marx
no mountain shall be too high, no valley too deep, no sight too dreadfull, no slope too steep. no light shall blind me, no darkness shall shroud me, no truth shall elude me, no lie shall decive me, no hate shall destroy me
I will be light
I will be darkness
I will be truth
I will be lies
but I will not hate. Love shall be my sword, honour my shield and the knowledge of my duty as strong as any armour'
the oath of the warrior